Twelfth Day of Yule, 2011

An so we have reached the last day of Yule, day twelve. As with all things, this too must end. And with its end, we have the beginning of the new year, as we Heathens consider it. This last night of feasts, or a few cookies on a plate shared with the home gods, or anything in between, marking days of kinship.

Let toasts be raised, songs be sung, and love ones held dear. And if you sit alone, know that you are not truly alone, for there are more like you out there, and we are bound by spirit, if not in person. Let us put aside our differences one last night. There will be time to fight in the new year, let kinship reign this day.


Here's last nights pic. Yes, I will have one of the fully lit Yule log posted up tomorrow.

And finally, the gifts:
Twelve Toasts to Kin, Mortal and Divine!
Eleven Horns a Sounding,
Ten Vikings Pillaging,
Nine Worlds of Lore,
Eight Maidens dancing,
Seven Alfs a leaping,
Six Horns of Mead,
Five Golden Rings! (Hey, look, that priest has some, get 'em!)
Four Runes Inscribing,
Three Days of Kinship,
Two Goats of Thor,
And a Raven in a Yew Tree

Sixth Day of Yule, 2011

Alright, day six is here to greet us.

Note to bloggers out there, making these posts the night before will have the side effect of making it very hard to remember what day you're actually on. You're thinking it's the sixth day, but there's only five candles and you're having to remind yourself just where you're at.

Anyways, last night's offering was Oliver's Camelot Mead again, just as it was on the first night. Hopefully there will be enough mead left for the Ninth and Twelfth nights as well. If not, I have some "Apothic Red" wine that I'm told is very good, though personally while I like the bottle (it's red and black and made me think of Alchemy when I first found it) I can't say I like the taste. I'm really picky when it comes to booze, and flavors. So far, the Camelot Mead is about the only one I can really stand drinking. But oh well, I'm not getting paid to be a wine critic or to sell this stuff, so moving on.

Here's the pick of last night, where you can see the offerings in their glasses before Hel, Thor, and Freyja.

Hopefully the computer issues that kept me out the last couple days are fixed, and I won't have that problem again. If I do, well, we'll see how it gets handled.

Also, today is the 24th and Christmas! So set out those milk and cookies people.  Santa might be a "Christian" guy, but some of his aspects can be traced back to Odin, and he is a jolly old elf/alf indeed. So be good, boys and girls, and perhaps he shall bring you a present, and if not, at least you made this holiday just a little more Pagan. And have a merry Yule, Saturnalia, or what have you

Anyways, the gifts:

Six Horns of Mead,
Five Golden Rings! (I wish)
Four Runes Inscribing,
Three Days of Kinship,
Two Goats of Thor,
And a Raven in a Yew Tree.

Third Day of Yule, 2011

So today is the third day of Yule, or second if you're going by the Asatru Folk Assembly's Steve McNallen. But since these things are run off the Lunar model, as I understand it, rather than the current Roman calendar, I'm not sweating the details. What matters is the celebration, and the spirit, more than the details of what day if missed by one or so.

Anyways, last night was pretty much simple. I received some of those wonderful butter cookies that come in the metal tins (a treat from my childhood, in fact) thanks to my boss. So I gave six cookies as a gift/offering to my idols, and lit another candle, as well as one of my little electric lights. Here's the pic:

Yes, if anyone cares, that is the box for "A Touch of Evil," which is a really fun game, by the way. Only played it once. Hopefully though, I'll be able to play it again soon.

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a good Yule, and putting aside their battles for these twelve sacred days, as my ancestors would. And here is my present:

Three Days of Kinship,
Two Goats of Thor,
And a Raven in a Yew tree.

The Times, They Are A Changing...

Or at least, it is I that am changing. Over the last couple of years I traveled in a little circle on the web, seeking to do...something. Even now, I'm not sure what that something was, except maybe to help awaken the promise that was Paganism, to show that it wasn't evil, or political, or to be feared. But, in the end, I found the little peaces of the world I walked in to be unwilling to listen.

The non-pagans, who rightly feared the growth of a major monotheistic religion filled with bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, and intolerance, were already starting to show the tendancy to cling to the other major monotheistic religion, filled with those things. They thought themselves good, and the other evil, and had no patience for one insisting that a gathering of many beliefs, of tolerance, was better than a homoginy too often filled with the vary things they were claiming to fight against.

The Pagans, angry at Christianity, had no patience for one  who spoke of a dangerous force growing, seeking dominion. Nor for one who warned them that they too, were becoming intolerant and political, rather than tolerant and spiritual. The decenter had no place. The darkness, no welcome in their light.

People have accused me of melodrama. I don't see it, but then I came of age watching anime, reading comics, and following the exploited of Harry Dresden over the last few years probably hasn't done anything to change what I learned. But I learned a lot. And being an outsider to society all growing up, I lack the foundations that most people have. I don't have the views, or experiences, of racism that they do, or of politics, or anything else for that matter. I came into a world of conflict, violence, rage, and despair. And unlike those around me, I learned the value of these things, and what they really were. And in looking into its face, I was changed.

Someone close to me says I see the world differently from everyone else. That I can see the things no one else wants to see. That I can look upon the horror unblinkingly, where most must run and hide. Sometimes, I think she is right about that.

I know that from a kids anime I learned to "look underneath, the underneath" and see what was hidden there.

I learned about power, and violence. I learned that these things were not to be feared, no matter what society says.

I learned that "good" often times cannot destroy "evil." That only "evil" can destroy "evil." That everyone is the hero of their own story, even the ones we call "villains." I learned that "evil" is a matter of perspective, that every "evil" action can be morally justified, and often is.

That people are hypocrites, even myself, and will say one thing while behaving another. I've seen the irony of that statement in work too, where people who preached tolerance were intolerant, and in my bigotry I was not bigoted at all.

I learned that truth is what we make true, not what is "true" and that often enough there isn't anything "true" at all.

I know that I know much, and I know that I know nothing. I know that every man who calls himself wise is a fool, and every fool has his wisdom.

I was once the Norse Alchemist. I had dreams of using all I had learned to better those I saw potential in. To work the sacred alchemy with them as I had with myself. But now, now I am no longer certain I am the Norse Alchemist. The Alchemy that succeeded with me fell before the materials before me, that claimed nobility, but in the end proved as base as the rest. Unwilling, to improve, happy with what they were and intent only on becoming it more so, rather than transforming beyond. So, as the Alchemist, the alchemy worked on me, and I change.

I have set aside the title of Norse Alchemist. I do not know if I shall ever pick it up again. For now, I am merely a different sort of person. For now, I shall be the Svartwulf, the black wolf, the predator of the dark. But I will not hunt where once I walked. I will not seek vengeance for my ill treatment. All who wish, who can, are welcome to walk with me, to hunt that which lies in the dark, that makes mortals tremble with fear.

Am I melodramatic? Maybe. But the best characters are always the ones with a bit of ham and cheese between the bread, rather than the white loaves so many wish to be, and are.

Second Day of Yule 2011

So, today is the second day of Yule. As I t talked about most of the little things yesterday, I'll just post this pic of my Yule log from last night. As I can't burn any logs (I live in an apartment with no fireplace) I had to substitute, and a very close lady friend of mine provided the inspiration (and some of the details) for how to set this up.

As you can see, I've got the candle for the first night. I'll set a new candle out each night, and the previous nights will be set with some electric candles (to prevent a fire hazard, and it was cheaper, and let's face it, money is tight for everyone.) Behind you can see my current collection of idols, Hel, Thor, and Freyja. Sadly, haven't finished painting the Hel idol, but hopefully she will not might. In front of each of them is a candle holder that looked like shot glasses, and each has an offering of mead. I made a toast to family, god and mortal alike. And such is Yule's first night celebrated.

I wish you all to have a merry Yule, so for the second day:

Two Rams of Thor,
And a Raven in a Yew tree.

Pagan Enough

I discovered this today, and with my current feelings towards how a number of Pagans have been acting in our community, I figured I'd join this.

Project Pagan Enough

1. You are pagan enough, despite how you look, act, smell, dress, believe, or are.
2. You recognize that others are pagan enough despite their appearance, smell, manner of dress, belief, practice, or other aspect.
3. You recognize that you can have an academic debate on the finer points of belief or practice, but that it does not take away from someone else’s level of being pagan.
4. You welcome, befriend, and encourage others in the pagan community despite their appearance, dress, or other physical or superficial characteristic.
5. You promise to treat members of other faiths, despite the faith, with honest-to-goodness fairness, equality, and grace, not judging them or their faith based on the actions of fringe members of their same faith.

I have always tried to hold to these rules, even without realizing it. I know there are many who disagree, but the above is true. I have never dismissed a person for what they believed, how they dressed, or the like. I have ever sought to have good debates with people, seeking to respect and learn form each others views. Sadly, this is not always been the reality when dealing with others who do not hold themselves to this standard. But I join, none the less. Because if respect is given to me, respect will be given in turn. I don't care if you're Heathen, Pagan, Fluffy Bunny, Otherkin, or eclectic.

A Wild Hunt

I just watched a movie called "The Wild Hunt" on netflix, a little indie film that takes place largely during a LARP festival, or Live Action Role Playing. I recommend it to people, especually Pagans and Heathens.

It's different from your normal film, but through its sometimes goofy, sometimes dark story, there is a strong Pagan theme through it, especially in the main character's brother, Bjorn Magnuson, who seems to have blurred the lines between his persona's being a devote of Thor, and let it run into his own life. And while his grip on sanity may be questionable, it remains a strong part of him throughout the film, and the Thunderer does seem to acknowledge Bjorn. Indeed, Bjorn has a hammer Mjolnir, which plays a key role in the film, both as something upon which oaths are taken, and which brings about a resolution to the film as well. Of course the main focal points being the Wild Hunt itself, brought about by a ritual that in the end perhaps summoned the real Hunt, and not just a pretend one. Reborn of death, unleashing the beasts within, riding upon waves up despair until the frenzy erupts, taking all by surprise.

Anyways, go see for yourself, if you can. It is well worth it.

Nine Facts About Me

I'm not like others. Everyone says it, but it's true.

I tend to offend people, even when I don't mean too.

I have lived a quarter of a century, I have forgotten more than most people ever learn, and yet I am often treated as if I know nothing at all.

I am not a nice person. I am what the world made me, what my life made me.

I am closer to three gods above all others, Hel, Thor, and Freyja. Death, Sex, and War. I'm sure that says interesting things about me.

I ran away from home at 24 because I finally realized I couldn't forgive the abuse after I drew a hammer on a cookie and realized that my mother's love for Judaism was stronger than her love for me or her tolerance of my Heathenism, even though she isn't Jewish.

I hate the God of Abraham, Jesus, and Mohammed. I hate what he has done to this world, what his ideology has done, and what his followers have done. I have fought his street preachers face to face with words when they preached their venom. I grow wary when I see a Muslim, not just because of what their "extremists" did with planes and bombs, but because I know what the "moderates" do to people like me that practice magic and worship Heathen Gods in their native lands.

I grow tired of how many of my fellow Pagans treat each other. I think we have enough enemies out there, we don't need to beat each other up to conform to what some people think is "normal" or "mainstream" or "acceptable." We are supposed to be accepting of each other, no matter how abhorrent society finds us, because it's what is right to do in our eyes.

I don't think Pagans and Heathens will ever be accepted into the "mainstream." The Monotheists will always think we worship false gods and the Atheists will always laugh at everyone with an "imaginary friend." I don't think we became Pagans and Heathens to be mainstream anyways. I think we did it to buck the mainstream, so we should embrace that.

An issue with Pagans

As of late I, and many others, have noticed a growing trend in the pagan community. While my experiences have mostly been online, reading the words of those who have spent much time offline has shown me that my experience is not a unique one, sadly.

The fact is that for some time, Pagans have been failing to live up to the message they preach. Perhaps this is a mark of it becoming a more mainstream religion, the vast majority of which tend to do the exact opposite of what they "preach." Pagans like to say that they are tolerant and accepting, and that Paganism is the same. And Paganism is supposed to be just that. Its basic premise is that there are many gods and spirits out there, and no one is more right or wrong than another. Sadly, perhaps due to the fact that so many pagans have come from a Christian background and a society built largely on Monotheistic principles, this falls apart in practice.

There's a growing trend that Paganism is synonymous with Liberal Politics. That somehow, one cannot be a pagan unless you follow the tenants found in said liberal politics. Protest this, and suddenly you aren't really a pagan, or you don't know what you're talking about.

But it's not just the political thing, which I've run into time and again. It's also about beliefs and practices. Suddenly it's cool to say that "pagans" aren't, well, "pagans." One of those hardest hit by this is the Wiccans. It's amazing the number of Pagans out there will insist that the Wiccans are not actually pagan, despite the fact that Wiccans, for all their faults (which are many) were among some of the first to bring back Pagan worship. We've all grown from that, be we eclectics, Heathens, Druids, or what have you. If the Wiccans and those associated with Wicca not gotten the ball rolling, well, who is to say that any of us would be here. We might have all become Satanists instead, unhappy with the God of Abraham, Jesus, and Mohammed, but unsure of where to go but to his opposite number.

Speaking of the Satanists, they certainly get a share of beef from many a pagan out there, though not as much as the Wiccans, or even the Asatruar and other Heathens, who often not only have to contend with many a "Pagan" laughing at them for playing viking, but for insisting on hard core research, and worse of all, charging the Heathens with Racism. And then there were the Dianics not too long ago, who almost got their entire path ostracized simply because they didn't want transsexual women into their group, because it made them uncomfortable as "born" women to have a "woman" with a penis inside their sacred area.

Of course, we should not forget two very important groups, the young who come seeking a place in the world of Paganism, often looking Goth and Punk and what have you, and those who could be our Elders, our Famous people, like Crowley and Gardner and others were in the days of yore. I have read, and even experienced, that a number of Pagan love to smack down and dismiss those of the younger set, laughing off their knowledge and experiences, driving them off, telling them that they don't know, can't do, shouldn't try. And those who would be those who would gather fame, push the boundaries of what is possible with magical theory and practice and share it, are torn down. Because Pagan society, like the rest of modern society, has decided that heroes are to be destroyed, not made. So they drive away the young, and they drive away the strange, and they drive away those who could open a new era.

They are more interested in fitting in, being liked, and dreaming that society will embrace them if only they say the right things, vote the right way, and do what they are told. They have become more interested in fighting the wealthy and successful than in fighting spirits. They have grown more interested in controlling industry in the name of "mother earth" than they actually are listening to Her lessons. And they are more interested in making other Pagans conform to this than they are opening up their arms and their minds to the larger truths out there. So they lie to themselves, they lie to others, and more importantly, they harass and destroy the very people who are what we should be embracing and encouraging.

But I'm not going to do that. If you're a "fluffy bunny" kid who likes vampires and werewolves and think magic is the coolest thing every, I'm right there with you. If you're a wild, crazy hedge worker who gets down and dirty with the magic, I'm right there with you. If you're a wizard, sorcerer, warlock, witch, or anything else, I'm right there with you. Because we didn't start out being the nice, clean cut (or hippy cut) people wanting to fit in to society. We were the ones who rejected society, who looked into the darkness, the primal, and the arcane, wanting answers to the questions people couldn't answer, or wouldn't answer.

We were Newton, and Dee, and Faust, and Crowley, Gardner, Flammel, and a thousand others. We hanged men to Odin, slaughtered rams and bulls, made offerings of flesh and blood and tears. We were the first, before everyone else. We should be the last, after everyone else has gone away. We were the teeth in the darkness, the terror in the night. We walked with the gods in Europe, We walked with them in America. We made spells of blood and piss and earth and lightning and ourselves, the gods, the spirits, and the very foundations of the earth.

We shouldn't be following the wrote of someone else's ideals. We shouldn't be following their politics, or worse making their politics our religions. Do we need to be involved in politics, sure, but not with any particular party. And we shouldn't be putting politics first. We shouldn't even be putting our individual faiths first. We should do as we preach. We should be tolerant, even if individually we find those tolerances distasteful. If the Dianics want to be only "natural born women" we should support them, not demand they change the fundamentals of their beliefs to suit the politics of others. If the Goths and the Punk kids come to us, looking for help and guidance, we should bloody well give it too them. If people want to push the boundaries and act crazy, we should let them, because they will give back to us.

The mainstream is not where we want to be. We shouldn't try to be mainstream. If anything, we should live with such power and integrity, drawing people to our various ways, that we become the Mainstream and they try to be like us instead. There is not right or left in Paganism, or at least there shouldn't be. Nor should we cling to the light and forsake all that is dark, because we all got into paganism because it accepted that darkness, at least it did when we got in, before people started insisting it be sealed away, ignored, that it didn't exist, couldn't be real, or shouldn't be touched.

For most out there, my words aren't going to change anything. They will believe they are right. They will insist on either making others conform or driving them away. And they will succeed. But I know there are those of us out there, even if they never read my words, that will know what I am saying, take it to heart, and carry it out there. It's already happening, in the dark corners, in the hedges, the towers, and the dark woods.

So I will it to be.